My Psalms 012

I have carried this yoke around for years
that being a Christian is living week to week
Sunday is HOLY

knowing no matter how hard Monday is
in six short days You will make it all better

When I live this way
I feel disconnected from you
It leaves no room for questions and emotions, and tension

It’s not until I make my best effort
To live the gospel day by day
When everyday becomes HOLY

To rest on Monday
To laugh on Tuesday
To be tired on Wednesday
To cry on Thursday
To love on Friday
To fall apart on Saturday
And be renewed on Sunday

that I feel accepted
that I find hope
that I have rest

Living daily means
it’s ok if I’m wrong
I don’t have to act like I have the answers

I have space in life to breath
to grow
to make mistakes

My Psalms 010

It feels like a weight on my chest
Pressing, squeezing the air out

The way a six year old puts his finger on a bug
and squeeze the life out of him

Not all at once, the first press is just enough to split his insides
Just because the little boy is curious to see what comes out

It’s the next squeeze that does him in
So God, when are you going to remove your finger from my chest

My Psalms 009

Keep going

keep doing

keep moving

keep working

It leads us to be burned out

like a cigarette butt abandoned on the street

The world takes the best part and leaves us on the pavement

Burn out pushes us away from God

and into the hands of vices

My Psalms 008

If to much alcohol leads to a man becoming an alcoholic,
what does to much church lead a man to become?
a churchaholic
a religious junky
a pharisee

I’m guilty, beyond any other man
My soul needs rehabbed
Clean out all the junk I’ve used to fix the holes in my life
get rid of all the home remedies, that only make it worse.
I’ve been using Church as my coping mechanism

And now I’m done, and it’s cold turkey
But I thought I could just walk away
But the with draw is brutal
The craving to fall back into routine is gut wrenching.
My hands shake, my skin sweats.

I feel like an addict
Dreaming too big one minute
and when the highs over
I feel so unworthy, and under qualified

Do you enjoy teasing me Lord?
with all these what if’s
If it’s not for real, Then don’t make me suffer.
If it’s not going to happen, then put me out of this misery
I want my thoughts back, my mind back, my heart back

But more than that I want A God that moves in my behalf
I want A lord that feels the tension in my chest
I want a Saviour that hears my pain
I want a faith that has the power to change things

My Psalms 006

Enough is enough

I wilt in defeat

I’m worn down, bruised, mentally out of gas

I ache in the morning

I ache in the afternoon

I ache at night

Life feels like I’m walking through a mine field with out a map

What are the chances I’ll get out alive.

I keep waiting for God to move, isn’t it time to do something

Why wouldn’t you show yourself to those who love  you the most

It just feels lonely down here, and when I need you the most I can’t feel you

It’s like writing your best friend a letter and never getting one back

How long would he stay your best friend?

I still have hope for now, as long as I have that I have something.

My Psalms 005

I keep being this person that’s hard to look atif I took a vote, my heart would divorce it’s self from my actions

it’s not my job to save the world

just to save my self

from becoming indifferent

from becoming complacent

from becoming pride filled

from feeling like people owe me something

I’m not scared to dream big

it’s the only thing that keeps breath in my lungs

I’m scared that I might actually be able to catch my dreams

My Psalms 004

I’ve been turned upside down

yesterday I was soaking in your glory

I had everything figured out

and today I feel ill

I have moments when I don’t think I can go any further

I feel like a clay pot full of water with hundreds of stress fractures

I’m doing everything I can to keep the water inside, but everywhere I go I leak

I know that at any minute it could all fall apart

Isn’t it funny how sweet and charming life can be

the whole time it’s sizing me up

waiting until I exhale

I never saw  it coming

My Psalms 003

I wasn’t there when you laid the earths foundation

you didn’t consult me when you created time

I missed the day you held auditions for the stars in heaven

I’m not clever enough to make the sun fall and rise

You breathe and creation trembles

your voice plays like a symphony

Yet when I speak I know you listen

                                                         selah

My Psalms 002

I can be better than this, not on my own, with Christ help

There’s another level to which I’ve never even been

And it’s not about how much you produce or how hard you work

backaches are not a sign of Godly living

So why try so hard to be more?

by earthly standards, I’ve got it all

a wife, kids, a house, a job

all my earthly needs are met

I need nothing!

I don’t drink too much

I don’t smoke

I don’t gamble

I hardly ever cuss

I don’t abuse my wife, or kids

I don’t have a questionable background

there are no skeletons in my closet

While so many people lower their standards so lower they can walk over them

I feel the need to raise my standards so high

I have to spend the rest of my life jumping to try and get a hold

When did the number of hours we work become our badge of honor?

When did the amount of money we make determine how holy we are?

There is a better way to live

I can be better than this

My Psalms 001

How your ways out number mine

when I try to decode your mysteries

I find my self in awe

Like a child trying to learn geometry

                                                          selah

I can’t put handles on your knowledge

I can’t attach a formula to your ways

my best efforts to figure you out, your rhythm and ryhme

leave my in open mouthed awe

will there be a day when all of history is revealed

I can’t wait to sit in class and watch the game tape of creation

to study the play call of our creator

your ways oh God, our number my very thoughts